The OoME
by Einna Aroura Du'an
Summary: Meeting 'her' parents gets a whole lot tougher...


The OoME

Annitiory:

OoME: abbreviation for Out of Movie Experience

When a character from one film starts quoting or acting like a different character for a different film played by the same actor.

Disclaimer: I'm a sixteen year old girl. If I owned Riddick, I assure you, I would not be sitting here writing about him.

Summery: Meeting _her _dad takes a new twist.

Timeline: Set after CoR, but my universe. In my univers, for those of you who don't know, Jack found Riddick after a couple of years of searching. They stuck together ever since, and when th Necro's showed up, Riddick discovered Imam's murder and so went after them whilst Jack stayed on New Mecca with Lajjun and Ziza. Riddick then killed the Lord Marshal (remember, he never went to Crematoria looking for Jack, so the Purifyer never died, and therefore helped him in the final fight and died just as Jack did). Because Riddick is now the Lord Marshal of the most powerful army in the universe, the Mercs leave him alone, so he and Jack live together now (not in that way) and have a normal-ish life. And Jack is still Jack. Kira never existed.

AN: This is what happens when an insomniac suger high teenage girl watches Pitch Black, Chronials of Riddick, Triple X, and the Fast and the Furious, ALL IN ONE NIGHT!

Enjoy the experience!

"I can do this," Damian muttered, pacing his room nervously. "I can do this."

He had actually been trying to do 'this' for about three weeks now, but had never actually had the guts…or was it the stupidity…to do it.

The 'this' in question was meeting his girlfriends parents. Now, as with most things, there was an up, and there was a down. Then there was another up, and another, somewhat significantly larger, down.

The first up was that his girlfriend, Jack, short for Jacqueline, had told him that although he wasn't happy about it, her guardian (not her father…that was something he supposed) would allow her to date him if he approved of him. The downside was, of course, that this meant that he first had to meet the man.

The other piece of good news was that the reason it seemed like Jacks guardian was the one pulling the strings was because Jack had no mother, foster, real, or otherwise. The other downside was that the infamous Guardian that she did have was rather famous.

Richard B. Riddick.

As in THE Richard B. Riddick.

As in Richard 'I-used-to-be-an-on-the-run-serial-killer-but-now-I-ain't-coz-I-have-the-most-powerful-army-in-the-universe-watching-my-back-and-will-not-hesitate-to-send-them-after-anyone-I-don't-like' B. Riddick.

Sure, Jack had promised him that Riddick wouldn't kill him, wouldn't beat him up, wouldn't send any scary half deads around to his house, or anything else, but Damian had seem Riddick before on the news. He knew what this man had done. And he did not, (repeat: DID NOT) like the idea of being in the same room as him.

"I can do this," Damian muttered, pacing his room nervously. "I can do this."

"You tidied up, right?"

"Yeeeeees."

And you didn't leave any shivs or knives or other unnerving hints lying around?"

"Nooooooooo."

"And you aren't gonna threaten to kill him or hurt him or send any armies of the undead after him?"

Riddick muttered something under his breath, causing Jack to spin on him.

"What was that?"

"I said: what are you," Riddick asked with a grin, "my kid or my wife?"

Jack slapped him with a dister as she walked past.

"Tempting as the offer is, I'd rather marry one of those critters off of T2 than you." She rebuffed. "Seriously, though. You try to scare him off, or hurt him, or intimidate him, I will get SERIOUSLY shiv-happy on your 'little Richard'. Got it?"

Riddick glanced at the Shiv she was holding up to him and backed off in mock-surrender.

"Scary." He teased.

He moved to turn away, but found that by the time he had, she was right there in front of him, her shiv in his face.

"I learned from you," she reminded him. "Scary is an understatement."

He quirks his head in agreement.

"Gotta say I'm with you there."

Jack backed off as a shuffling noise was heard from outside.

"Here," she called, chucking Riddick his goggles. "Keep these on. That weird eye thing scares the crap outta most people."

Jack opened the door and greeted her boyfriend, loaded down with chocolates and flowers for her.

"Aww," Jack cooed as she took them from him, pulling him into a hug. "Thank you…" then as soon as her mouth was near his ear, she muttered. "Over the top, much?"

She could tell he was trying to impress Riddick, but unfortunately, she knew it wouldn't work.

Pulling back, she took Damians hand and led him inside. There were three places to sit in the living room…the sofa, the armchair, or the floor. Riddick was sprawled out in the arm-chair, which left the sofa open for Jack and Damian.

The entire time Damian was taking his seat, he never took his eyes from Riddick. And, noticed Jack, he never got within less than ten feet of him either.

This was gonna be a long conversation.

For the next half an hour, Jack tried desperately to get the two talking, but Damian seemed too afraid to do much more than not pass out, and Riddick seemed to be enjoying it too much to do anything other than smirk constantly, adding to the creep factor, and making poor Damian more afraid than ever.

Eventually, she gave up.

"You know what?" she asked, "I'm gonna get some drinks."

As soon as she was out of the room, Riddick sat up straight in his chair and leaned forwards. Sliding the goggles up onto his forehead, he looked Damian straight in the eye, grinning at the kids look of pure terror.

"Just so you know," Riddick told the boy, "Jack is my family in all but blood, and I care for her very deeply." He paused here, just for effect, and continued, "You break her heart, and I will break your neck."

Damian almost feinted.

By the time Jack came out of the kitchen a few seconds later, Riddick was sprawled back in his armchair, his goggles back in place, and her poor boyfriend looked as though he needed a drink a little stronger than the soda she was trying to hand him.

Turning on Riddick, she glared.

"You did the eye thing, didn't you?"

He shrugged innocently.

"Who, me?"

Signhing in resignation, Jack led her almost unresponsive boy friend to the door.

"I'll call you later,' she promised. "I'm sorry."

As soon as he was gone, Riddick burst into fits of laughter, cut short by a pillow thrown at his head.

"You promised!" Jack yelled at him.

"I promised that I wasn't gonna threaten to gonna threaten to kill him or hurt him or send any armies of the undead after him…you just didn't hear the end part about 'unless he breaks up with you'."

"Aww," Jack's voice and face soften immediately. "That's so sweet…"

She tried to make her way towards Riddick, but even she couldn't get one over on the Ex-convict. Within seconds, he was up and flying out of the room, an irate seventeen year old flying after him.

"You can't stay in there for ever!" She screamed through the door.

"No, but ever single shiv in the house is in here," he called back. "I take some comfort in that. Admit it, Jack, it's a bad job. You're never gonna get a boyfriend after I'm through with them."

"Yeah," Jack agrees, "But you ain't ever gonna get a girlfriend after I'm done with you!" She retorts. "I take comfort in THAT!"

"Vicious circle, kid." Riddick calls back. "I threaten them, you threaten me."

Eventually, Jack calmed.

"I got a question," Riddick called out after a while. "When are you bringing round the next guy?"


End file.
